Everyday Wonder Women
Each week, I sit down with a woman you probably never heard of before—but trust me, by the end, you’ll be so glad you did. This is where we get real about the tough stuff women go through, the grit it takes to get through it, and the lessons they pick up along the way. It’s honest, inspiring, and full of stories you won’t forget.
Everyday Wonder Women
Episode 5: Breakfast confessions with Nancy — on leaving your career to be a mom, divorce, and trusting your gut
You know that weird little feeling in your gut that something’s off—but everyone around you is telling you you're just being dramatic? Nancy had that feeling. Her intuition was waving red flags, but her husband insisted she was just imagining things. In this episode, we dive into what happens when you start believing other people over your own instincts—and how that can cost you years of your life.
Nancy gets real about walking away from a ten-year career to raise kids, the slow unraveling of her first marriage, and the flipped blanket tag that became the first clue that her gut had been right all along. This one’s all about learning to trust yourself, even when it feels uncomfortable—and especially when others tell you not to.
We get into:
- What it really feels like to step away from your job to raise kids
- The lie that women can “have it all” without sacrifice
- All the tiny signs her first marriage was falling apart
- Why trusting your gut is basically a superpower
- The pressure to keep up appearances—and how to stop
- Starting over after divorce and finally choosing you over what everyone else thinks you should be
and I thought it might be fun if I just turn the mics on and you could join us for breakfast. The background noise is a little loud. You can hear the kitchen and all other customers, but I think you can hear us good enough to really enjoy this conversation and be a fly on the wall. We're going to hit on topics like choosing if you want to work or be a stay-at-home mom and the challenges that come with that. We're also going to talk a lot about Nancy's divorce and how she found out her husband was cheating on her and what she had to go through to figure out how to get herself back on the right path. So stick around and come with me and meet my friend Nancy.
Nancy:Gosh, when did I meet you? Was it junior high school? I think it was junior high school. Yeah, like junior high, you played volleyball, didn't you? Was it junior high school? I think it was junior high school. Yucca, like Yucca Junior High. You played volleyball, didn't you?
Nancy:I played volleyball and basketball and saxophone in the band.
Stacee:Do you still play your saxophone?
Nancy:I've tried, but I can't get enough air through it like I used to.
Stacee:That's so funny. Is that how you call the kids in ?
Nancy:No, they're not impressed when I to play it well, tell everybody a little bit about yourself um, well, like you said, I met you in clovis.
Nancy:I was not born there, but I grew up there. I got there when I was about one and a half years old, graduated from Clovis High, went to Texas Tech for my undergrad, went on to UT Arlington for my graduate and master's in social work. From there I moved and had a job at the Albuquerque VA Hospital for 10 years and liked my job, but I also. A lot of life happened in the middle of all that, but ultimately I met my now husband at the VA and we were married and I've had two kids, a boy and a girl, and now they're about to launch totally out of the house, so about to be an empty nester. So a lot of life has happened and I have not worked in 20 years. As of this month, you haven't no.
Nancy:I didn't realize it's been that long I quit working when she was only about six months old. What made you come to that decision? Well, honestly, I fully thought I would go back to work. I thought what are you going to do with one kid at home? You'll be bored. And, like I said, I liked my job, but I got to tell you it was just dropping her off at daycare. I hated it because they allow one person to take care of six infants. That's the law, and so I did not like having her there, because almost every time I would come to get her she was crying, or three babies would be crying, and poor lady was doing her best. She was a great lady, but handle six babies and she never napped really well there. So in the end I did it for what I think. I worked. Four months, work four months, hello ladies Hi.
Stacee:Oh, I have that with a pancake, we can share this giant pancake, oh gosh.
Nancy:Ooh a pancake. Yes, Thank you.
Stacee:Whoa, Looks good, thank you.
Nancy:Dang. Wow, quite a breakfast. I got a whole loaf of bread and a whole Look at the hash browns. What else?
Stacee:So do you have any regrets about that? Like staying home and not going to work, or like if you could do it again, would you do the same thing?
Nancy:I think I would do the same thing. Yeah, it was too much when I was working part-time and had her. I just From my line of work. When you're a social worker, people are asking something of you all day long, everybody, and in the hospital there's a lot of different areas that need your assistance, and so I couldn't have done that job. I don't think and try to be a mom as well. Ladies do it, but I couldn't do it.
Nancy:I'm with the other half. I had no kids, yeah, but I don't know how you could do it, but I couldn't do it. I'm with the other half. I had no kids, yeah, but I don't know how you could do it all. I mean, I certainly have lots of friends who do it all, but I don't know how they do it.
Nancy:What I took away from a lot of it was because once my kids got a little older and went to school, I'd see ladies who were trying to work either part-time or some full-time and having the kids and, like it or not, a lot of it still falls to the mother to get them, to run them to activities, to do whatever. My conclusion is you can't have it all.
Stacee:I know they used to say you can have it all. But I think it's really, really hard and I think sometimes it's okay to not try to have it all if you don't want to like, it's okay to not have kids, it's okay to not go to work if you can afford it. I mean, obviously that's a big privilege thing to be able to say, but I don't know, I feel like there's a lot of pressure on women to try to do it all. I don't know that you need to accept that pressure. You should do what you want.
Stacee:It's your one shot at life, and if you want to stay home and take care of your babies, I think that's fine. If you don't want to do that, I think that's fine too. What was your job like as a social worker at the veterans hospital?
Nancy:it was never a dull day at work. I worked in a lot of different areas at the hospital. I started off working on the inpatient floors and having to make discharge plans for patients, so that involved working with a lot of different doctors and the nurses and everybody. And then I worked in outpatient clinics. Then you had to really be involved with even the community lots of different people in the community.
Stacee:Did you get attached to some of your patients?
Nancy:Oh, there were a few, definitely that were yeah, and especially the next position I took was in home health, and I was in that one the longest. I did home health for four years where I got to go out and visit veterans in their houses. Who's one of your favorite patients? You remember Mr Gruber. He would get so excited when I'd come to see him. He would always have a little snack set out at the dining room table. A lot of them would have little things set up, or the wives of the veterans would cook little things for me and want me to sit and eat with them while we were visiting. Yeah, I had a lot of good relationships with my patients. In fact, I actually met my husband, george, through a patient you did. Yeah, because I was working in home care and he was doing his residency there, and so he was working on the inpatient floors and doing a rotation there and I had my guys that I saw all the time at home, and one of them was in the hospital, and so George was assigned to him in the hospital.
Nancy:I never met George. I didn't know who he was in the hospital. I never met George. I didn't know who he was. He called me up one day in my office and started sharing his concerns about one of his patients' social situations at home. And he was a social wreck, the guy. He was a train wreck and I knew all about him. I'd known him for a year or so and I remember I was just impressed that George knew all the right questions to ask and he seemed like he really cared, whereas most of the medical residents would just call me to say Mr So-and-so is ready.
Nancy:when can you get him out? You know there was a lot of not really understanding the whole picture and he seemed to get it.
Stacee:How long have you been married?
Nancy:22 years now, just never know who's crossing your path, for what reason, right,
Stacee:I know I know I always feel like you better be nice to as many people as you can be, because even in business I've seen that so much, where you might be at some business mix or whatever business dinner and you don't even want to go and you're talking with someone who cannot be of any benefit to you business-wise Yep. But you just wait, because later on that person's going to have a different job at a different company and they're going to remember that you hung out.
Nancy:Oh, they know that person. That knows that person. That's right. Yeah, I mean you just never pay attention. Is my words that you hung out? They know that person. That knows that person. That's right pay attention" are my words.
Stacee:That little couple. They're so cute.
Nancy:I know her little shirt said "yes, I'm cold.
Stacee:You and I also share this divorce trauma. We were both married about three years and picked very poorly our first go-round when I was kind of starting to get back in the mindset of like maybe I will go on a date again. I just hated dating. And I'd go on a date and I'd tell my mom like yeah, no, this guy is not the guy. And she told me one time she goes listen, you're just going on dates. No one's asking you to get married. And a lot of people meet people through friends and they might know a person. You might be out, you know, on a date, meet some more people. What's wrong with that? Like, are you too good to have more friends? And I'm like no, what's wrong with that? Like, are you too good to have more friends? And I'm like no, she's like they go on the date and treat it like it's a friend, not a marriage interview I didn't date a whole lot.
Nancy:In between my divorce and him, I like went out with like two other guys, I think is all both medical residents. Oh my god, you're such a cliche, but you know what it is. You like you said we picked poorly the first time and I think just in working at the hospital it was, like um, for the first time I was surrounded by intelligent men who were witty and had really interesting things to talk about. Yeah, because I married a jock the first time. He was fun and he liked to party, but as far as any kind of meaningful conversation it was very minimal.
Stacee:So you're only married three years to Matt. Like when did you know it was going wrong? How far into it were you?
Nancy:On day one! Well, we hadn't been married quite a year and my dad passed away, so I was going back over to Clovis to help my mom with things, so I'd be gone from time to time for the weekend and that was all fine. He was, you know, working as a tennis pro at the country club, so he couldn't get off to go and he didn't want to go anyway. But he started asking me to call when I would leave when I was leaving Clovis, which was a three and a half hour drive. It's almost like he needed a heads up to know when I was coming home and I thought that was odd. But he just said he wanted to make sure he could see if he was getting me to worry if I wasn't home in three and a half hours.
Nancy:Well, finally, one time, when we hadn't been married quite a year and I called him to say I was going to be leaving, and I said what did you do this weekend? And he said oh, I went out with the people at the club and we all got really wasted and I just walked home to our apartment and I just thought it was interesting.
Nancy:Something in his voice told me I don't know what really went on. So I got home and he was acting weird and we went to go to bed and I went to turn the bed back and I noticed the blanket had been flipped. And I just know because I always made the bed because,
Stacee:How
Nancy:Because the little tag was at the top and I don't like a little tag touching my face, so I always put at the bottom. And so I looked at him and I said "id you change the bed while I was gone? And he said, yeah, yeah, I thought that might be nice.
Nancy:I went ahead and got everything all freshened up and I was like, just for you, yeah, and but that set, it really didn't sit right with me. I think it's like further evidence that something went on, something's wrong, and I can't even remember exactly a couple other things that seemed off. And I finally said to him what went on here while I was gone and he said "nothing. What, what do you mean? I said I don't know and I was pointing out you know this and this, and now the blanket.
Nancy:"God, what's the matter? You're just trying to make something happen. I mean you're just making this up or you're making it up in your head. You're just crazy. Yeah, like why would you even say that? And I just I kind of dismissed it, but not really deep down, I knew it was not right. And this went on for months Like I I remember passing the girl that he had been out with, that night on the escalator at the mall and she just I said hi as we passed, cause I knew her, we'd all gone out together before and she looked at me with this look like oh crap. And you know, just when I'd have to go over to the club, everybody was kind of weird. At the club Christmas party he introduced me to this old guy and the guy said oh, your wife you sure, keep her
Nancy:well hidden" and I thought, well, that's interesting, does he not act like he's married when he's here? And so things like this kept going on and I went from time to time say what really happened that night, what really happened? And he would just always deny it Nothing. Why, god, why do you keep bringing this up and try to make me think I was crazy and that I was, you know, imagining it all with deep down? I knew something wasn't right and we were, emotionally. I felt like the connection was getting worse and worse and worse. I was looking actually for reasons to not have to be with him, not have to be around him. I mean, just, I don't know, I knew something was wrong and I just every time he'd say you deny it, it just made it worse
Stacee:Did
Nancy:One way he fessed up was that I finally well, in the meantime he got offered a job to be the assistant tennis coach at our alma mater, Texas Tech. So he was pretty excited to go back and probably be like the little jock he used to be over there and it was going to pay hardly anything. He expected me to quit my job at the VA and go work over there for like half of what I was getting, because it was going to be what he wanted. And I really, again my gut was saying don't do that. Why would you do that? That's a huge step back all the way around. But I'm married. Maybe I should go and support my husband that I don't really have the strong feeling, all the guilt you know. And so in the end I went over to Lubbock a few times and I interviewed and of course, I got the job and then we went, we were looking at houses.
Nancy:We found a house that was great and we could afford it. And, I kid you not, we decide that day let's buy this house because it's all going to work. And still inside my gut is just hurting Cause I'm like why am I going to do this? I shouldn't be doing this. And we at the realtor's office it's dark, I mean, it's like evening, and she's drawing up the contract and she's just about to finish and have a sign and submit whatever.
Nancy:And I remember I just something in me said don't do it. And I just said "you know what? I think we need to wait, let's not. I did. I said let's not do this just yet. I think we need to think about it. And she looked at me like I was crazy. He looked at me like I was crazy and and I said I just we have to think about it a little bit more. And as soon as I said it that's why I say you have to listen to your gut as soon as I said it, I just felt like I had air in me again. You knew that was the right choice.
Nancy:I had to do that, oh my God. And so, yeah, he was like walked out of there.
Nancy:He's like "what's the matter? You love the house, it's a great house, it's perfect. You got the job. Yeah, I get the job. I was like no, but I just I don't know. We got to just think about it Because in the back of my mind I was still like something's not right here. There's a big something is in between us and it's not better. And so finally and he was back and forth to Lubbock for things and I've learned that this is true then, and it's true with my kids today If you really want to talk to somebody, you talk to them in the car, because they can't go anywhere. Oh yeah, they can't walk out of the room, they can't leave the house. And we were driving back from Lubbock and I said, you know, when we said in our, in our wedding, um, forsaking all others, what does that mean to you? That's what I said. And he said well, well, you know, that's a good question. That's what he said. And I looked at him and I said that's not a good answer.
Nancy:And I said "well to me it means that you're committed to just that one person for the rest of your life. Yeah, yeah, that's what it means. I would say that too. But the way he said that's a good question, yeah, was it like passionately saying no? No, it was almost like, oh, crap, crap, is she gonna put this all together? And then it was probably like a few weeks later he had to go to Lubbock again. I didn't go, and while he was away I just kept thinking about it. Thinking about, I was like you know what, I'm gonna change my approach. When he gets home, I'm gonna say I know something happened, I have information and you better tell me now
Stacee:did
Nancy:And so I remember he came home late, went to bed that morning he was not even quite awake, and when he, as soon as he woke up, I said, "I know what went on that night at the apartment and you need to tell me right now what happened. And he just sat there for a minute and then he goes. Well, and I remember my heart just sinking though, cause it was like confirmation of everything I thought for a year and a half, oh my God, and I just there was a sense of me that was like I knew it, but a sense of you that's like kind of sad. You're like, oh man of sad. You're like, oh man, really, you're like he did yeah, um, but anyway, and and um, he just expected me to forgive and forget.
Nancy:Now he fessed up, he's ready to have this wonderful, loving marriage, and for me it was like this feeling of no wonder I feel so empty, no wonder nothing's here. I don't want to be in this. It was like the perfect out, and in some ways I was kind of a wimp about it, because I should have gotten out way before and I just was looking for an excuse so that on the outside, looking in, I didn't look like the bad guy. Here was my reason. Actually, I didn't look like the bad guy. Here was my reason I actually I do feel like that I was kind of a wuss about it.
Nancy:Yeah, I felt like I was a wuss about it.
Nancy:I should have called it way earlier. Like you know, same situation. You just want something to point to. You say that's why I'm not staying married. Look what he did.
Nancy:Yeah, right, was your mom okay with it?
Nancy:No, she wanted you to stay married. She just didn't. She didn't know all the details of my marriage so she, she didn't really approve of it because it was so short. You know, three years. Yeah, she kind of it. When I told her I was going to go to counseling with my ex after just three years of marriage, I remember she shook her finger in my face and she said this shouldn't be happening. This shouldn't be happening. You've only been married three years. I was like, well, it's happening.
Stacee:Yeah, my mom was pretty supportive actually because come to find out later, at our wedding, you know, my mom was crying a lot, as I thought was normal because she's so touched with our love. But later I found out she was crying because she thought I was committing the most horrible decision of my life and she was sad for me. I'm like, "oh, my God, that's what you thought. And she's like, yeah, I just was so heartbroken for you and I knew it wasn't gonna work out and I'm like, why didn't you say something? And she said, well, had I, would you have listened?"
Nancy:Well, interesting, you say that because you know, when I was engaged and my parents liked him, they did, I think, because my dad always put so much emphasis on sports, and so the fact that this guy was a jock and he was a really, you know, high ranking tennis player I mean, he was a good sport athlete. My dad thought that was great, my sister's an athlete, she loved him, and so in my mind it was like he fit right in. Right, I was trying to make. That was what made it right in my mind, even though emotionally I wasn't feeling the connection. But you seem to fit the other mold, you know.
Nancy:Yeah, so we were engaged, and six weeks before our wedding my dad passed away suddenly and so, oh, it was that close to the wedding, it was before the wedding my instant thought was don't get married, don't do it. You have the perfect out, don't do it. I was looking for an out almost, and so I went to my mother. I told my ex first and he was very supportive. He, oh, I get it. Yeah, let's just delay it for six months, no worries, we can do that. And I was all great.
Nancy:So I went to my mom and I told her and she was, she was dealing with what she was going through, and so she just got really mad and she was like no, you, we have planned, your dad really liked him and we have a really good party planned and we're going through with this wedding. Oh my god, and I didn't want to. But what am I gonna do? My mother's grieving and like her whole life is falling apart and I'm like I guess I'm going through with the wedding. That's kind of what happened. And so, and after the fact, years later you know she was like you told me you didn't want to get married. I should have listened to you. So mine was just the opposite of you. So we had the wedding and I can remember the day of just so many weird feelings and like what am I doing?
Nancy:What am I doing? What am I doing? After it's over, walking to the back of the church, looking back at the altar going.
Nancy:I married and there was no feeling with it.
Stacee:Oh my god, I know a girl I mean, I know several girls, but one girl I know. She just got a really bad feeling before and it was more than cold feet. She called it off and it was hard. That's hard to do because it's a destination. This doesn't have to be a destination. It doesn't even matter Like. The invitations have been sent, the flowers have been ordered, the cake's been ordered. The dress is ready.
Nancy:That's how ours was we just feel like there's no choice here
Stacee:and also it's embarrassing. I think that plays a huge part in shame, but she must have a supportive family my god, like if you feel that way, you should not get married, like all of that shit can be well, I should have brought that into the conversation, not just I don't think I can do this right now because dad just died.
Nancy:Yeah, I should have brought up the truth.
Nancy:That's the other thing, yeah that's crazy, because bringing up the truth would admit I made a bad mistake. I made a bad choice.
Stacee:It's really hard to um say that, I mean looking back. There were several things that I think were very, I wouldn't say, small clues but like glaring, simple signs that this was not the right path and I was just not willing to acknowledge those things I was in. I'm like your mind is there, I've done it, I'm going to go through with it. Yeah, I'm not a quitter. No, I don't want to look like I made a bad choice.
Nancy:I know right, because overall my life look, I've had really good choices. I respect.
Stacee:uh, I really respect women that can walk off and then like when they get proposed to and they say no, like that's not very Hallmark movie, ish, no, but God, good for you.
Nancy:And, with my faith background, the fact that if you're intimate with someone, then you should marry them. Yeah, you know what I mean. So that played into it too and there was a lot of guilt around that. So you know there was a lot of factors there. But if I had to do over, that would have been. But I shouldn't say that because what came from all that was actually good stuff.
Nancy:right, learning about myself and figuring out, you know what drew me to that place where I got to, and what was it about somebody else that I found more attractive and why didn't I pay attention to that earlier in life? And why was I? I was valuing the things my family valued versus in some ways yeah, that's so true.
Stacee:I look back at the two years of. I look back at the basically two years of from when I got divorced to when I met Ellis. That's my healing journey time. And, um, one of my really good friends recently went through a divorce and I'm like, trust me, like someday it doesn't seem like this at all right now, but someday you're going to look back at this period in your life and you're going to be grateful You've had this experience, because it kind of just, even though it pulls the rug out from under you, I feel like you get down to your inner core and you get really connected with what you like and don't like and need and don't need.
Stacee:I mean you live more authentically at that point, Because you're like I'm going to take in that crap again.
Nancy:You see parts of yourself you don't really like.
Nancy:Why am I that way?
Stacee:Any advice you give to a young woman who is like going through a divorce
Nancy:Well, I've already told my daughter not not in relation to going through a divorce, but I've told her many different times follow your gut, because when you follow your gut, you don't make the wrong decision yeah, yeah, because it's really more than just a feeling.
Nancy:like a lot of things happening in your brain, heart, soul that are trying to guide you.
Nancy:It's there, every time you listen to it, it works out. Yeah, even if it's not initially the best thing, it works out. But if you don't listen to it at all, like we, I didn't, you know, even though everything was telling me don't do it, don't do it.
Stacee:It's that little voice in your head, right it's so quiet and it's there and it makes you go.
Nancy:Well, and there's things that also. Sometimes something comes across your path, whether in the something you read, or something, a phrase or just something you I've even said out loud, sometimes, like as soon as I say it out loud, something in me goes pay attention to that. That might come back to bite you, or pay attention to that. I think that's trying to say something and pay attention to those things I always tell. I've told people that's my two words pay attention, oh, that's good, because when you do, I mean, I feel like I notice a lot of things that a lot of other people seem to just skip right over.
Stacee:I've never seen someone have a breakfast birthday bash.
Nancy:I can see myself doing that!
Stacee:Well, thanks for having breakfast with me.
Nancy:It
Stacee:nail on the head with her two words. Pay attention. And it leans a"Pay lot into this feeling of this inner voice that we have inside of ourselves and making room for that. You know there is a little voice inside of you too. If you're in tune with it, amazing. If you're not, you got to go find it. And it's so quiet it might be really buried inside the noise of your life, but when you can unlock that little voice, it's your best friend. I mean, it's really the only thing on the planet that has 100% best intentions for you. And I think Nancy's story really shows the importance of making your own decision, even when it might be different from what everybody else thinks you should be doing. We really dig more into this in the first chapter of the book Stop Acting Like a Girl. It's all about being decisive and figuring out how to make decisions that are best for you. Because she knew deep down she didn't want to get married and she just couldn't go against the flow of her mom and the memory of her dad and she just was trying to do what society thought was the right thing and she knew it wasn't. So I think we can all take a big page out of Nancy's playbook here and say if you've got a funny feeling about something, trust yourself.
Stacee:If you've got any questions for Nancy or want to check out some bonus content, head over to our brand new Instagram and Facebook page @Everyday Wonder Women Podcast. But before you go, I've got a fun question for you. This week. "What's something you completely missed because you weren't paying attention? Maybe it was a red flag, a big moment, or that time you thought you were in deep conversation with someone until you realized they had their earbuds in the whole time Not that that recently happened to me. Come share your story at Everyday Wonder Women Podcast. I'll be hanging out in the comments all week and I can't wait to hear from you. Thanks for tuning in and I'll catch you next week when I introduce you to another amazing Wonder Woman.