Everyday Wonder Women
Each week, I sit down with a woman you probably never heard of before—but trust me, by the end, you’ll be so glad you did. This is where we get real about the tough stuff women go through, the grit it takes to get through it, and the lessons they pick up along the way. It’s honest, inspiring, and full of stories you won’t forget.
Everyday Wonder Women
Episode 10: When life flips the table, have your own safety net - Amanda's story
Dr. Amanda Donnelly shares her journey from practicing veterinary medicine in her family's clinic to becoming a successful consultant and speaker despite personal challenges. Her story reveals how financial independence and seeking therapy enabled her to overcome family conflicts, a difficult divorce, cancer, and the loss of close family members.
• Second-generation veterinarian who knew her calling from age nine
• Experienced complicated workplace dynamics practicing with her parents
• Sought therapy to address family issues, temporarily severing communication with parents
• Pursued an MBA at age 41, opening new career opportunities
• Developed public speaking skills through strategic development and professional organizations
• Navigated a 14-year marriage with an unsupportive partner, particularly during breast cancer
• Built financial independence that enabled her to leave an unhealthy relationship
• Lost her mother in 2019 and brother to addiction in 2020
• Emphasizes the importance of women maintaining their own financial security
• Advises young women to seek mentors and start retirement savings early
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend who needs to hear these stories, leave a review to help us reach more women, and grab a copy of "Stop Acting Like a Girl" – especially Chapter Two about financial empowerment.
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Stacee:She's a veterinarian, she's a practice manager consultant in the veterinary field. She does a lot of public speaking and I met her a long time ago I mean, it must have been about 15 years ago and I doubt she actually even knows this but I was a student at one of her weekend retreats on practice management and she was teaching and laying it down on gold standard for customer service and at the reception desk and how to be a better doctor and how to be a better leader, and I just loved everything she was teaching me. So when I had a chance to catch up with her recently at Las Vegas at the veterinary conference, I grabbed it because I wanted you guys to hear her story and I wanted her to share some of her wisdom with you around how extreme one might have to go to take care of themselves, and also all of her great advice around money. So come with me and meet my amazing friend, D r. Amanda Donnelly. Hey Amanda,
Amanda:Hey
Stacee:Tell everybody a little bit about yourself.
Amanda:Sure, I am a second-generation veterinarian. I currently live in Nashville, grew up in Kansas City, spent a lot of time in my dad's practice and knew from the time I was nine that I wanted to be a veterinarian. The cliff notes version of my career is that I went to the University of Missouri, practiced just for a year in Wilmington, North Carolina, went back practiced for a couple of years with my dad and then ultimately have about 15 years of clinical practice experience, and half of that was general practice and half of that was emergency medicine. And then I had four years as a professional services veterinarian working for the Iams Company and I was out in California. And then I moved back to Kansas City and I got an MBA and started my own speaking and consulting business and that's what I've been doing for the last 20 years. It's been 20 years. Yes, I'm starting my 20th year as a speaker, consultant, author.
Stacee:Yeah, I have so many questions. My first question is what was it like to practice with your dad?
Amanda:Oh, wow, okay, so that's more loaded question than you might realize. My dad's going to be 90 this year. I have a great relationship with my dad. I had a very complicated relationship with my mom and she also worked in the practice and I need to give her credit for being a certified technician. When I went back and worked for them, I did not appreciate how the family dynamics were going to be a challenge. It went somewhat okay the first year and then things really started going south.
Amanda:After that it was a lot of family
Stacee:Because
Amanda:Oh gosh, no, no, no, essentially she was my boss, because they actually jointly owned this practice and because of my relationship with her, it did not go well and ultimately culminated, I laughingly can say now that led to about four and a half years of therapy, working through all my you know issues with my parents, and so I ended up cobbling together set days at set practices, and one of those was ER and that dovetailed into me doing full-time emergency medicine.
Stacee:Did your relationship get better with your parents when you stopped working with them?
Amanda:Not initially so in fact, part of my therapy involved severing ties with them. I wrote him a letter and said that I couldn't have any communication with them at all and that I would let him know when I was ready to re-establish relationships, and that really damaged my relationship with my mom. My dad did understand and so and I didn't. Christmas came and went, no contact with them.
Stacee:Yeah, it was a tough time in my life. How old were you?
Amanda:In my 30s my mom had a lot of undiagnosed mental health issues and the relationship with her was always strained. It gradually got somewhat better over time With Dad, you know. We weathered the storm and it was fine and we've had a great most of my life.,
Stacee:Oh
Amanda:Absolutely, I had to do for yourself. Oh, absolutely, I'm a strong proponent of therapy. I not only had it then, I've had it in more recent years and it was life changing because I worked through my issues related to my dysfunctional family and by an outside observer. I had a great life, but I did have a lot of you know attachment disorder and some you know challenges or whatnot, and so working through all of that made me who I am today. The tools that I learned, that first go round of therapy I still use today. It was powerful.
Stacee:I went through quite a bit of therapy after I got divorced and at first didn't think I needed it, and I think if you're even thinking about whether or not you need it, you definitely need it. If that thought pops in your head, I wonder if I need therapy. The answer is yes If you find a good one.
Amanda:Sometimes there's some quacky therapists out there, oh yes, I have been really blessed that I have had two of the most amazing therapists ever in my life, and I had a couple of therapists there that weren't awful. They just weren't stellar.
Stacee:What made you decide to go get your MBA? Not something veterinarians typically do, correct.
Amanda:So what happened is when I left emergency medicine. That was when I transitioned on to my job with the Iams Company as a professional services veterinarian. I had been in practice my whole life and I loved it, but it was time for a change and I really wanted to get involved in business. I felt like I needed the MBA for the additional expertise, knowledge and whatnot that it would bring to the table, and I was right. It did open doors. All of a sudden, you have an MBA and it's like, oh okay, now you can do this job or you could, you know, go on this journey or this path.
Stacee:How long does that take to get an MBA?
Amanda:I did an executive MBA program, which is what a lot of people do, so you know, mbas are typically anywhere from two to four years depending on what you're doing. So MBAs are typically anywhere from two to four years depending on what you're doing. So mine was a two-year program.
Stacee:I think it's fascinating. And then I think it's important to say you're never too old to get an MBA, because how old were you when you got your MBA?
Amanda:41, 42, somewhere like that. I'm proud to say I had a 4.0, even in statistics, which I got a D in statistics the semester before I got into veterinary school because statistics made no sense to me then. But speed forward, when I was older and, I think, had better study habits, I got an A in statistics.
Stacee:I always wish I could do veterinary school again, just for fun, because I feel like I've had experience now it would be more meaningful.
Amanda:Perhaps you would understand a different level of understanding.
Stacee:Yes, yes. What did you love about being a speaker?
Amanda:Exactly which it has never been my worst fear, and I have to credit my mom for this. Somehow my mom must have known that I needed to get my words out, and so she recommended when I started high school that I join the speech and debate team, and I was really good at it. So I had those skills from high school. Then the next opportunity I had to really use those skills was I'm the was the first woman president of the Kansas City Veterinary Medical Association, so that involved, you know, a little bit of public speaking or whatnot. Then I had the opportunity with the Iams Company because I was part of. What you do is give a lot of presentations, and my boss was very supportive of me honing those skills. So I went to some speaking classes in San Francisco and that really helped.
Amanda:I've also been a longtime member of the National Speakers Association, so I've just always worked to hone the craft. I mean just to get personal for a minute. I have now given two eulogies for my family and I can tell you what that is the most challenging. It's a different kind of speaking, for sure. I also had to give a presentation like five days after I found out my ex-husband was having an affair. And I just looked in the mirror, you know, in that hotel room, and I said Donnelly, you get your you-know-what together, you need to just go out and you need to do this.
Stacee:What's been a part of your career that's been particularly challenging?
Amanda:For me, it was really the journey that started, you know, in how my personal life affected my professional life, you know, and how my personal life affected my professional life. I found myself in a bad marriage but for many years wasn't willing to admit that it was a bad marriage and up till, really honestly, the very end. So I was married for 14 years. I had breast cancer that I went through in 2014. And he was not at all supportive during that time period, which was really awful. That's a red flag. Yeah, it's a really red flag. Yeah, absolutely. There were many red flags that I ignored.
Amanda:My mom died in 2019. That was very, very traumatic. And then my brother died in 2020, which was truly one of the most devastating things that's ever happened to me. What happened to him? He had a long history of addiction and alcoholism, which ultimately had all these physical effects, and you know the underlying cause of his death was truly the addiction. Was he a younger, brother or older? He was two years older. So the challenge was I had all these personal things that affected my business, but once I got out of the bad marriage, even though I went through all of those family situations and personal strife, my business took off and been everything that I wanted since 2017.
Stacee:I have some questions about your divorce, if you don't mind me to ask. Sure, because I went through a divorce. I wasn't married as long as you, but my husband also had an affair and actually got the other woman pregnant while we were still married, and this was after I had been the one that wanted kids and he had been the one that didn't want kids, which, ironically, now I'm 54, and he has kids and I don't. So go figure. Well, I shouldn't say that I have two amazing step-sons that I love dearly, but I didn't get to be pregnant and do that.
Stacee:You know, it seemed like a fun thing to do for someone that hasn't ever done it. The pregnant friends I have will probably say that's crazy.
Stacee:Yes, yes, my niece says it's not as great as everybody might say, but I was so mad at myself Because I had to be told we were getting a divorce instead of me calling the divorce, and I knew also after therapy that there were many red flags here. But here we are strong women and obviously able to have careers and all this, but we aren't able to somehow recognize enough of the dysfunction of the marriage to call it. What do you think about that?
Amanda:Right, exactly, I got married really late in life, so I was almost 43 when I got married. I thought I had found you know the guy and it was all of the great things that happen early in a relationship. Perhaps if I had been in the same town and not had long distance, maybe I would have recognized some of the red flags. I don't know, there was a lot of narcissistic behavior. Recognize some of the red flags. I don't know, there was a lot of narcissistic behavior. Gaslighting and boy, that gaslighting worked.
Amanda:you know all the ways it does work, man, because I would go out at night in our neighborhood and I would walk the dog and I would think about okay, what can I do? What can I do to make this work? You know if I can just do this, and then you know and that'll be okay. But what happened, too, is there became an imbalance. He was making a lot more money than me and I wasn't really working my business and making as much money as I wanted to or could have. And so then it's like even though I didn't admit it to myself, maybe it's like well, how am I going to leave? Like what am I going to do? I have this business that's not really going to sustain me as a single person. I was really scared when I got divorced.
Stacee:Probably because you weren't that confident that you could make it on your own.
Amanda:Oh exactly, I knew I wasn't going to starve to death. But I'm like all of a sudden, when you're not making the amount of money to maintain a standard of living which our standard of living wasn't extravagant, but it was certainly nice and you're thinking, oh my gosh, how's this going to go and am I going to be able to make a go of it? But yeah, it was a very scary time.
Stacee:I know so many other friends that are in that situation where they, for various reasons or whatever they haven't been the breadwinner. They've raised the kids, they've done the things and they kind of maybe want to leave, but they can't.
Amanda:Yeah, exactly.
Stacee:They feel like they can't. What do you think they should do?
Amanda:I think crafting a plan it would probably be. You know, what I would say is how do you figure out? Is there a support system? Is there a way that maybe somebody can help you and then you make the transition?
Amanda:The other thing is is, of course, it's being real savvy through the divorce process. So my motto, when I did go through the divorce with patience and restraint, he said he wanted a collaborative divorce. Well, collaborative divorce process is not litigation, and you have a therapist who's the team leader, each party has their own attorney and you have a neutral accountant, and so that's what we did. The whole point of this is what's a fair settlement? So that's the process we went through.
Amanda:I don't think he was super happy with it towards the end because I think when it got to the end he was like well, wait a minute, this is costing me more than I thought, but it still probably would have cost just as much with litigation. But the reason I bring that up is whether it's litigation or whether you go that process, it is actually very expensive either way, but you've got to have a good attorney because if somebody hasn't been working, you know, like you gave that example of maybe somebody's been raising the kids. They're going to be entitled to alimony in most states and they're going to be entitled to half of what the assets. So it really just depends on you know the financial situation Everyone's different but seeking counsel from friends and family and people and crafting a plan because life's too short.
Stacee:So that is the deal. Life is too short to be in a miserable marriage, and I think if you're with somebody who is making you shrink, it's a problem Exactly. So what advice would you give to a 20 year old woman?
Amanda:Oh, that's a great question. Two pieces of advice. One is to actively seek out other women, in particular that can really help you with your development. You may want to develop a skill, you may want to get into a certain industry how do I navigate college, whatever it is but actively seek out people helping you.
Amanda:It never really occurred to me to have somebody that I could meet with on a regular basis maybe, or that I could, you know, have that safe space and trust and ask for advice. That would be number one. Number two is to always focus on your financial security and never have that be in jeopardy, because I was a single person for so long and I always moved forward and I was always financially secure. I never had any debt my entire life other than my student loan or a car loan. But I mean, I never had credit card debt. And then what happened is, you know, the divorce and we've talked about all of that and not being financially secure. So, whether you get married or not, just not losing that.
Amanda:But the best advice that I ever got was my dad said you got to have an IRA, amanda. I'm like okay. So at that point in time I was contributing about $50 a month to this IRA and it's amazing how that money grows and so early on you've got to contribute to some sort of a 401k IRA, whatever it is. Start that in your 20s. Don't buy things that you can't afford yet. Hopefully have no credit card debt, but for sure, save early on those years from 20 to 45 that so many people lose out on, and don't give up your financial security in a relationship. So that's my best advice.
Stacee:That is actually the best advice for any woman. And when you do start your 401k in your 20s, the funny thing about that is you'll be a millionaire when you're in your 60s. Yeah, exactly so it's tried and true Get a financial planner and you know.
Stacee:And you have, even if you're not working or you're raising the kids. I say get your own 401k and figure out how to put your money in there. I always thought that when you got married you would find your magical person. Maybe I watched too many movies, too many Hallmark movies. You find your magical person, you grow old together and everything will be great.
Amanda:But that rarely works out for any of us, that rarely works out. There's a lot of bumps in the road, as we know.
Stacee:There's a whole other Hallmark channel which will show you the other side, exactly, exactly. Thanks for being on the show. This was great, stacey Thanks so much for having me.
Stacee:Amanda's story left me thinking about something that doesn't always get enough airtime. When we talk about resilience, reinventing yourself and success and that's money you know cold, hard cash, the numbers behind the scenes that either buy you options or leave you stuck. And what Amanda showed us is that, even after a painful divorce, the devastating loss of her mom and brother, and sidelining her own ambition to keep someone else comfortable, she didn't crumble, she didn't wallow, she dug in and she figured it out with a calculator. And that's exactly what we talk about in chapter two of Stop Acting Like a Girl. Honestly, the title of that chapter could have been Stop Ghosting your Own Finances, Because being rich, or at least not broke, is a numbers game. Every dream you have like starting a business, quitting a soul-sucking job, buying a horse ranch in Montana or living on an island, drinking pina coladas out of a coconut all comes down to math. If you don't know the numbers, you don't get the freedom. It's that simple, and too many women are taught to stay vague, go with the flow and hope everything works out. I've actually lost count of how many times I've heard a horror story where the woman let the man handle all the money, all the business, all the business, all the important stuff, and when it fell apart, she was left scrambling and oftentimes with nothing. When you're in the dark about finances, you're not just confused, you become afraid, you begin to feel helpless and you start tolerating things you never thought you would Jobs that drain you, husbands or wives that don't treat you well and situations that suck the life out of you. Luckily, Amanda didn't hand off the money to somebody else. She had her 401k that she started in her 20s. So smart, she knew how to manage her money and she kept control of it. And when everything else fell apart, she wasn't standing there empty-handed because she hadn't handed over her entire life to somebody else, and neither should you.
Stacee:I want to share something with you that changed the way I think about money. My former business partner, Martin Traub-Werner, some of you might know him, once asked me "what's your number, and I just blinked at him, like slowly, because I had no clue what he meant. And what he meant was how much money do you need to live the life you actually want? Not someday, not in your dreams, but in real life, and at the time I had no clue. I was working hard, burning the candle at both ends and basically hoping someday it would all work out. But you know what they say about hope it's cute, but it won't keep the lights on. So you need to know your number Yours, Not your husband's, not your kids', not your parents' not anyone else's dreams debts not your husband's, not your kids, and not your parents, not anyone else's dreams debts or retirement plans, but yours, it's your life, it's your number. So let's break it down, Inspired by Amanda's story.
Stacee:Number 1. Build your safety net - like yesterday. Amanda, and nobody actually wakes up one morning thinking today's a great day to leave my marriage. But when you have financial stability, like a savings and investments, you don't have to stay trapped. Have an emergency fund. It isn't just for a flat tire or a chipped tooth, it's actually your get out of jail free card when your life flips the table over on you. So you want to build that safety net.
Stacee:Number 2. Get serious about what freedom actually looks like for you, and not just a vague Pinterest board type thing. But do you want to hike the Pacific Crest Trail for six months? Do you want to open a martini bar where the cocktails are made with real fruit and you can also take a nap in a sleep pod and get a manicure. Please will someone open this. Or do you want to take a sabbatical in Italy eating pasta for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Awesome. Put a price tag on it, write it down and then reverse engineer. Plan to get there.
Stacee:Freedom is expensive. You want to know what it is you're working for.
Stacee:Number 3. Know your worth and own it. Amanda didn't wait around, hoping someone would notice her. She took what she had her public speaking chops, her veterinary experience and a brain for business and she built her own empire with it. So if you're sitting around waiting for a gold star and a fat paycheck to magically land in your lap like I've got some not so great news for you, it's not coming. You're going to have to work for it. You're going to have to find what you're good at and you're going to have to set the price on it. And then you bring it. You bring your A game and you show them why you're worth every penny. And you might have to work up to this. You might have to put some old-fashioned grit and grind into the equation to get you where you want to be, but you can do it.
Stacee:Amanda's story is a real world example of what happens when you stop living for someone else and you start thinking of yourself as the CEO of your own life.
Stacee:So if you're sitting there feeling stuck in a job that underpays you, in a relationship that drains you, or you're just too scared to even log into your bank app, this is your sign. Make a move, Take control of your money, Know exactly what you have and what you need to change. Fire up the calculator, open the spreadsheet and face it head on. Because this, my friends, I know to be true you cannot expect anyone to care more about your life than you do. Your future self is counting on you, so get to work. If this episode fired you up even a little bit, I have a favor to ask Can you share it with a friend who might need a reminder that she's capable of so much more? Could you leave a review which helps us actually reach more women who need to hear these stories? And three, be sure to grab a copy of Stop Acting Like a Girl and dig in right away to chapter two.