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Everyday Wonder Women
Each week, I sit down with a woman you probably never heard of before—but trust me, by the end, you’ll be so glad you did. This is where we get real about the tough stuff women go through, the grit it takes to get through it, and the lessons they pick up along the way. It’s honest, inspiring, and full of stories you won’t forget.
Everyday Wonder Women
Episode 12:🎖️May Military Series... Serving those who served with Rachel Runfalo
Rachel's journey from Air Force veteran to nonprofit CEO reveals how unexpected career turns and personal challenges shaped her mission to support homeless veterans.
• Enlisted in the Air Force at age 22 seeking adventure and new opportunities
• Originally assigned to missile maintenance, a chance conversation redirected her to telecommunications
• Built a 25-year career in telecommunications after leaving military service
• Took a significant pay cut to join a nonprofit helping veterans facing homelessness
• Rose to become CEO of Oklahoma Veterans United in Tulsa, Oklahoma
• Experienced homelessness herself in 2013 after losing her job
• Navigated difficult personal challenges including a child's drug addiction
• Advocates against judging others without knowing their full story
• Emphasizes the importance of community for veterans who lose their "tribe" after service
• Encourages women to pursue their interests and not sell themselves short
If you want to help veterans, research legitimate organizations providing direct services, volunteer your time, or provide financial assistance. Most importantly, withhold judgment - you never know someone's full story.
So this interview came to me kind of in a roundabout way and it's kind of funny. My parents were hosting a high school reunion a few months ago at their place in Arizona and they needed another player for their golf game, and so I jumped in and I was partnered with this gentleman who my parents called Benny and come to find out he's a general in the military kind of a big deal. I was telling him that I was doing this podcast and I really wanted to focus on women in the military and I asked him if he knew any badass women that I could talk to and he said "yes, I do. And that's how it came to be that I interviewed Rachel. She didn't know me from Adam, but she was so nice and she got on a Zoom call with me and shared her story. So come with me and meet my new friend, rachel, who's a veteran in the Air Force. Welcome to the show, and what's your official title, rachel?
Rachel:I am the Chief Executive Officer of Oklahoma Veterans United, located in Tulsa, oklahoma.
Stacee:Tell us the journey on how you got to that job.
Rachel:I grew up in Washington State in a small town called Port Townsend Washington. It literally is on a peninsula. It's very rural. It's one of the best places to go if you're interested in Victorian homes. It's a tourist town and it was kind of an idyllic place to grow up in, and of course that was during the 60s and 70s. There's some things that weren't idyllic about it, but it was still fun and so I went to college right out of high school.
Rachel:I went for about three years, realized I was interested in social services but not interested in having to get a master's degree. At that time I'd done a little traveling, actually backpack around, taking a quarter off and backpack around Europe, and I really did not want to be stuck in a rut, stay home forever, backpack around Europe, and I really did not want to be stuck in a rut, stay home forever, work at a grocery store, that kind of thing. So I decided to check out the service and I went to a couple of different recruiters. By far the Air Force recruiter was much more approachable and intelligent, and so that's the route I went. I was really interested in being an air traffic controller, but my eyes were incredibly horrible so I couldn't do that. They put me in a non-traditional female role because I got a high score, which was missile maintenance specialist. They wanted women in those roles. At that time I wasn't thrilled with that, but I was like I don't care, I want to get away, I'm going to go ahead and join, no matter what. And so I came home from Seattle after being at the AP Center and my mom said how did it go? And I said well, "I'm going to go in February and this was like in October. I had to do a delayed enlistment and she's like really, are you kidding? I said no, no, I signed up, I'm going. So I was actually just shy of 22. So off I went.
Rachel:I went to basic training. I had flown one other time when I went to London and went around Europe, but this was the second time I've flown anywhere and it was a kind of a weird sensation because my mom and my aunt took me to this bus station. I hopped on the bus, literally waved out the window and off I went. And I was like, wow, this is like. I'm just like totally, you know, moving on it's going to be really weird from here on out, but but exciting, you know, adventure. So off I went, uh, went to basic training in San Antonio, Texas. I'd never been that far south, never been in that kind of heat. I went through basic training and at basic training I went to start a security clearance and by chance, the man who did my security clearance said to me "s this a job you want to be in? I said, well, they just put me in it because it's nontraditional. And you know, I don't know. And he said, well, you're going to be bored with it, you know you're not going to want this job. And I said, well, I was in the impression I signed up with a guaranteed job. I said I was in the impression I signed up and he said " I couldn't you out of it. So I'm like okay. So then I said he said what are you interested? I'm like okay, I went from having a very narrow thing, you know, to now you can do whatever you want.
Rachel:, you know, I'm a 22 year old from a little town in Washington state, without a clue. You know again, grew up still in the sixties and seventies, women's things weren't like totally out there. You don't have all the opportunities you have today. And so I just looked at him and I said I"I don't know, what do you think? Well, he got into this giant book, thumbed through it and opened it up to this job and showed it to me and I read it. It was about basically telecommunications, which was just about to explode, and I said, sure, that looks great. So that's how I got into a field that I was in over 25 years and it was very lucrative and I was a telecom engineer once I left the service and it paid all the bills and it was great. So I did that.
Rachel:I was only stationed overseas. I was in Japan and in England. I really, really enjoyed my time in the service and the only reason I got out was because unfortunately, or fortunately, because I have two lovely children from being married the one time. My husband at the time did not like the service at the time did not like the service. So we left the service after nearly six years and I got a job in Hartford, Connecticut with American Airlines in a data center and it was all telecommunications engineering, setting up all the voice and data communications to the reservation center. It was a huge reservation center there for American Airlines and then got an opportunity to come to Tulsa, Oklahoma, to kind of start to go up the food chain a little bit, and about the time my kids were two and five I divorced my husband and became a single parent. For the most part, raised my kids until they were adults.
Rachel:I worked for American Airlines for about 15 years, did lots of cool things there, and then I went on and worked for Williams Energy. We were basically a reseller of voice and data communications and at that time I decided I'd had it with telecom, because what was happening was they wanted people to come to work for them for less money, with less institutional knowledge, just to fill the seat and be able to answer the phone, and so they paid a lot less. So I decided at that time I didn't care what I worked for, I was not going to go back to telecom, and so I took a pay cut of about half and I went to work for this little non-profit that had advertised the newspaper to help veterans, a program that helps put homeless veterans into housing, stabilize them so they can maintain that housing and also helps those that are in an imminent situation of losing their housing that we can help them save that. Within about two months, the program manager of this supportive services for veterans family grant left, and so all the financial piece of that was placed on me. Oh gosh, I don't want to say dumped on me, because that's not fair, although it was, but it was placed on me. And that was probably one of the best things that ever happened, because I learned from the boss at the time, the director, that she showed me all the budgeting, she showed me a lot of the nuances of grant writing, how to do things, and she shared it with me and that carried me through until today. I also, along the way, finally finished my degree in business, and that's, of course, been incredibly helpful as well. Lo and behold, I became the program manager In 2023, the individual who had been our CEO decided to leave.
Rachel:I went to the board president at the time, talked with her about taking on the CEO role as an interim position, just to make sure we could kind of segue transition through all the things that were going on. And this is something I would say to your 20 year olds, don't ever sell yourself short because I had all that ability I. I'm 66 right now. Ok, in hindsight, I feel like I certainly should have probably applied for the CEO job a long time before. So don't ever sell yourself short that you don't have the ability. Don't ever sell yourself short that you don't have the ability. If you think you do truly, if you think you do, but you think I can't do that, you need to seek some guidance, seek somebody that really knows you, and if they tell you yes, the answer is yes. So I didn't seek anybody, I just went for it. Well, here we go. So that's where we are today.
Rachel:We work with a lot of veterans.
Rachel:I work with Vietnam veterans. They absolutely got the short end of the stick when they came back out of the service. You know those people, anybody who puts themselves actually in harm's way or even just signs on the line and does their tour. That keeps other people from having to do that, and we as Americans should be grateful they're willing to do that and we do owe, we owe, whatever it is if they come back from any war or certainly Vietnam, Afghanistan/ Iraq stuff you come back. I can tell you that the people that I work with a lot of young people on my staff that are veterans I can see the things that they have come back with, with not only the physical injuries but the emotional scars of being there, of seeing some things that certainly I don't want to ever see. And again, while they're all operating, just fine, you know they're great adults or great people to be around. Sometimes, when they're not so great, you know what, you step back and give them a little space because they deserve that 100%. They deserve that.
Stacee:So true.
Rachel:People think that every homeless person is some creeper that just sits on the corner yelling and screaming and takes drugs and wants to steal from you, and that is absolutely not true. While there's a certain part of that population that that is true, homelessness is something that can reach us all at any given time, and people shouldn't kid themselves that it is that close. For example, I was homeless. I lost my job in 2013. And you know, I had a friend that helped me sell my house she's a realtor and then she allowed my son and myself to move in with her for a period of time about six months, just enough to get reemployed and then find a place, and we moved on. So you know it just happened. It just happened and you know we I picked myself up. There wasn't a. There actually was a program at the time. I just didn't know it, but cause I run that program now, but I had the wherewithal to do that. I also was incredibly lucky, but not everybody is.
Rachel:We absolutely can help anybody. We put a hand out to give them a hand up If they don't want to reach us, if they don't want to take that hand, because there are people that are entitled and their people have been enabled, but they want to meet us that halfway and they want to put as much work into it as we want to. We will absolutely find them someplace. We will get them somewhere they need to be, where they can stabilize and they can move on with their lives successfully. We have another program that we're able to pay half a month's rent for them for a period of time. This individual lives on social security, works, still struggles, and so now we're able to stabilize that individual because we're able to pay that half a month's rent. It's not even a lot of money, it's $300 or something, and just with that little extra bit of money you know that individual is able to stay in their housing.
Rachel:They're 80, still working, still has Social Security. They're still trying to. You know they're doing their part. Who would want to see that person go homeless just because of $300? That's crazy. That is crazy.
Stacee:How can people help out that might be listening, that are not in this situation but want to help veterans? What do you recommend they do?
Rachel:If you're going to give to some organization, first I would absolutely check the organization out to make sure that there are a lot of organizations that take advantage of being called a veteran organization. But if you really look out there at organizations that are really providing support and service to veterans, it can range from things with employment and, of course, housing and then with the suicide prevention. But we work with others that provide social opportunities. That can range from gym things but also fishing, hunting, shooting, golf nights, fire pit nights, nights, all sorts of different things that enables veterans to be a part of a community thing.
Rachel:Because when you leave the service I didn't when I left the service I always felt like something was missing. I couldn't put my finger on it and it wasn't until years later, when I came to this job, that this, this young man, said to me well, it's because you're bringing that life almost indoctrinated into it and it's not like being a coworker. It's your tribe, that's it, that's who you go to, that's who you're with all the time. And then when you leave it, you've kind of had the rug pulled out from underneath you that you no longer really understand what your purpose is or how to achieve that purpose and so that's what those organizations are for. So you know, if you donate $50 to somebody that they need camping equipment or whatever it is, that's a legit organization. You're not wasting your money ever. If you can find an opportunity to volunteer, do. If you can provide some financial assistance, do.
Rachel:The other thing is to not be judgmental. Don't judge somebody that you think well, they're a veteran, they should be able to pick themselves up. You have no idea what they went through and you have no idea how they left the service, what the situation was, how they've tried, and they can't overcome it. Everybody's walk of life is different, regardless if you're in the service or you are not, and you know, the older I get, the more I realize some of these people coming out of service. They had situations as young people that were traumatic and then they go in the service. They try to do the best they can, but then they've just increased their trauma and that never makes for, you know, a good ending. It's always best to never judge where somebody is or what somebody is doing. You have no idea what the situation really is behind the mask that you see that person has on for the day.
Stacee:I love that. That's a great way to say that and think about that. What's a particularly challenging time you've had to go through personally?
Rachel:One of my children went through a situation with a drug addiction. It was horrible during the time frame, okay. However, when you come out the other end, the education I received from that unfortunately, it helped me work for what I am today. It also probably is why I say don't be judgmental. You know, people that are going through addiction are willing and able to do things that you would never think You're like. They weren't raised to do that. You're right, they were not raised to do that, but they're on drugs. So you know, stealing from your family, doing things that you'd be like, I can't believe they just did that. Well, I tell you what I sure can, because they're not interested in what's the right thing to do in that moment in time. All they're interested is where am I going to get some money to buy the next fix? That is absolutely the truth of the matter, and so you know, coming through that, that child is actually a licensed clinical social worker today and doing their part as well.
Rachel:So I have another child that's bipolar and has struggled and struggled and struggled and is coming out the other end, is moving on to become an LPC and has also a heart for people that struggle and a clear understanding of where people are and the ability to meet them. So you know, dealing with all those things that would have been in my mid-40s at one point, you're just wondering God, will this ever be over? And you know, am I going to ever see? You know I've been a horrible parent, clearly, because they're both struggling and you know we're going to ever see. You know I've been a horrible parent, clearly, because they're both struggling and you know we're going to go down the toilet together here and then coming out on the other side, where they're very successful. They're both responsible adults, they're doing their part and so it turned out OK, okay, I would say by far.
Rachel:It is much harder the high school years and the early adult years, because they can get in a car and leave, they can say things, they can do things that you have no control over. Where a two-year-old, you have control. You may not like what they're doing, but you can fix that. As long as you provide boundaries and discipline, you can fix that. You know, as long as you provide boundaries and discipline, you can fix that. But you can't fix. You can help, you can guide, but we're moving towards a time where I can make suggestions. But if they don't want to take it, there's not one damn thing I can do about it.
Stacee:You're not the first person I've interviewed that says you know, I had a kid that went through a really bad time and it's so stressful because you want to help, you can see what they should do, but you absolutely can't fix them.
Rachel:The one that went through drug addiction. What happens is they finally realize there's consequences to their behavior. They also realize they did not want to live that lifestyle long term. They're the ones that turned it around. They actually did it 100% on their own, but with family support. You know, I drove them all over the place, made sure they had a job, got them to their court dates, did all the stuff. Now, without that, would they have been as successful? I think so, but it would take a lot longer time frame. Okay, but that's where the support comes in, and you also have to know when it's time to give up. I am a recovering enabler, 100%. I finally realized things were going to happen, whether I had liked it or not, and I had to step back and my child had to pick themselves up and go forward. And they did.
Stacee:They did thanks for sharing that. I think that's going to be really powerful for other people to hear Like this happens, this stuff happens and you, you have to do the best you can and that's all you can do Really. That is all you can do, you can't be some magical all knowing person, cause you aren't that. You're just a human being trying your hardest every day. Yeah, yeah.
Rachel:Period yeah.
Stacee:I mean, yeah, that is it.
Rachel:What advice would you give to a 20-year-old woman that's just getting going in life? Rachel, don't sell yourself short. The other thing is, if you have an interest, you need to follow that interest. If you have the ability to get the education or an apprenticeship or whatever it is you want to do, do it. Find the path, and if that's a path that you want to go down, don't let anybody stop you. We only get one life. Don't be the person at 85 laying in a bed who is regretful that they didn't get to do what they wanted to do. And I can tell you with all my heart I believe my grandmother was one of those people and you know she was a smart woman and very capable and I think there was things that she wanted to do and she was afraid to do them and she did it.
Stacee:So lucky now, as women, we have way more opportunities than than my mother or my grandmother, so you do have a burden to live your best life right now and that's the thing I see a lot of women tear other women down or say ugly things about it.
Rachel:we need to hold each other up and celebrate those successes and encourage those that aren't quite there. That's, a well-oiled, well-working society really relies on women, and when we work together, it's incredible what success we can have.
Stacee:Rachel said something so true. I just want to make sure you didn't miss it. She said you don't know what someone's been through behind the mask they wear for the day. Isn't that such a powerful way to look at people? Honestly, this podcast has brought that lesson home for me in a big way. I've interviewed close friends, like really close friends and family members, and I'm sitting there hearing stories I never knew hard things, life-altering things, and these are people I thought I knew inside and out.
Stacee:And right now I'm watching the Handmaid's Tale on Hulu and let me tell you I have been trying really hard not to judge June. I catch myself thinking why doesn't she just kick Serena's ass already? Why doesn't she grab Nick's gun and go get Hannah? Why on earth did she give Nicole up and go back to Gilead? But then I stop and I think okay, if someone took my child, stripped me of my identity and forced me to do half the things June's had to do, I don't know what I'd do either. I'd probably make some of those same choices, or worse.
Stacee:And this is what I'm starting to realize. Everybody has a story. It's not a matter of whether or not they have one, it's whether or not you get the privilege of knowing it. And that's why judging other people is such a waste of energy, because the chances are, the thing you're judging it's just the tip of the iceberg. The real stuff, the pain, the trauma, the survival, it's underneath and you have no idea. Zero. Zilch, and, let's be honest, we all do it.
Stacee:That little flicker of judgment sneaks in before we even realize it. And who's the biggest culprit of this? In my experience, it's women, hands down, and it's generally directed towards other women. And what's the deal with that, ladies, we do things like this we judge a woman who lost 30 pounds and assume she's definitely on ozempic, like her body is public property and we're the FDA. We judge a woman who hasn't lost weight, like she must not care about herself or her health. We judge the woman who didn't follow the traditional path of getting married and having kids. And then we judge the woman who did, who quit her job and now has five kids. We judge the woman climbing the ladder and working 60-hour weeks, saying things like she's probably neglecting her family. And we judge the woman who says no to the hustle and prioritizes rest and thinks she must not be very driven. You're apparently either too much, too little, too loud or too quiet. We hold women to a standard that isn't just impossible, it's exhausting and, maybe the worst part, we judge ourselves just as hard, if not harder.
Stacee:So what do you do when you feel that judgment creeping in? Well, here's a start. Number one you try to catch it, that quick thought, the eye roll, the mental commentary. Just start by noticing it and calling it out. Number two get curious, ask yourself what might she be going through that I can't see? Just acknowledging that there are parts that you can't see will help you.
Stacee:Number three look for common ground instead of comparison. Find even a sliver of shared experience. I know what stress feels like. I felt that pressure too.
Stacee:Thinking these things can help shift your whole mindset. Number four watch your shoulds, because those are your signal that you're being judgy, when you find yourself saying things like she should dress more professionally or she shouldn't post that on social media and then ask yourself who made you the judge and jury for the day. And number five shut down the gossip. You can still sip your coffee and change the tone with something like we don't even know what she's going through and that one sentence can stop a whole spiral in the conversation and lastly, give yourself the same grace.
Stacee:We're so good at beating ourselves up. Try saying I'm doing the best I can today and that's enough. Judgment is easy, but you know what's hard. Being empathetic that takes real effort, and when you choose to see people as stories instead of problems, that changes everything. I just want to thank you so much for tuning in and following me along on these podcasts and meeting these different women. I hope you're enjoying hearing their stories as much as I am, and I look forward to seeing you next week, where we are going to be celebrating another everyday Wonder Woman in the military.